Intimate Violence: Offer Support

WHY DO PEOPLE STAY IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS?

  • Love
  • Fear- the belief that the batterer is omnipotent. Often threats are made against the victim, e.g., the abuser will kill the victim if a police report is filed. Police as seen by the victim, offer no real protection.
  • A batterer who is arrested is usually released in a matter of hours (on bond) and the batterer may then take revenge on the victim.
  • Even if it is the neighbors who report, the batterer may hold the victim responsible, hence, when the police respond, the victim may not admit to the battering.
  • Economic and financial dependence.
  • Religious and cultural beliefs or societal views often demand that the victim maintain the facade of a healthy marriage.
  • The batterer is often the victim's only psychological support system. The batterer has systematically destroyed the victim's other relationships. Also, other people often feel uncomfortable around violence and withdraw from it.
  • The victim may believe that the children need the parental role of the abuser.
  • The abuser may threaten to take or harm the children if the victim tries to leave.
  • Learned helplessness.
  • Some law enforcement officials and judicial authorities do not take domestic violence seriously, hence it is never really punished or taken away from the victim. Any attempt by the victim to consult authorities is seen as a threat, and the abuser may batter the victim for those attempts.
  • The batterer may be highly respected in the community or mild-mannered toward others. The victim may not believe that he/ she will be taken seriously or that anyone will believe it. The batterer may be violent only with the victim, therefore the victim may conclude that there is something wrong with him/ her and not the batterer.
  • The victim may believe that it is his/ her fault.
  • The victim may not know that services are available for domestic violence victims.
  • Battering takes place in a relatively short period of time. Afterward, the batterer may be loving, apologetic, quiet, and seem sincere. Many victims of domestic violence describe their batterers as charming and loving when they are not battering.
  • The victim may be convinced that the most recent incident of battering will be the last.
  • The victim may have been raised in a domestic violence household and may view this behavior as normal or acceptable.
  • The victim may believe that he/she can change the batterers behavior.
  • The victim may be ambivalent to the situation or be a poor decision maker. People working with victims of domestic violence violence may need a decision faster than the victim is able to give.
  • The victim may be able to function only in a crisis.
  • The victim may not want to be alone.
  • The victim may be too embarrassed to ask for help.
  • The victim may not identify as being abused.
  • The victim may no know that he/ she has the right to not be beaten.
  • The victim may believe that it is no one else's business.
  • The victim may fear retaliation from the abuser's family and friends.
  • The victim does not want the relationship to end, only the violence
  • They may not know services are available.
  • Lack of economic independence