How can I reduce my family's screen time?

Adam: If I get up in the morning, I know I do this on a Sunday, so I'll use myself as an example. If I get up in the morning and I have things to do on Sunday, I get up before everyone in my family. So, it's like, it's quiet and it's really easy for me to be like, I can watch whatever I want right now, like I can put on a show that no one else likes, I'm gonna listen to David Attenborough for three hours before anyone gets up 'cause If I get up at 6:30 on Sunday, I can do that in my house. But I also know that like, that definitely stymies my productivity 'cause I get into like this different mode. Like, are we like mod like am I modularizing something? Like, what am I doing up here that makes it like, so much easier to do laundry or go out and hit the use the weed wacker if I never start with David Attenborough?

Sarah: I mean, I think, you know, what we know, especially like with transitioning children, for example, away from something they really wanna do is something that may be more punishing. I mean, it's just, you know, we recommend against having them move from watching TV or playing a video game to doing something like punishing like something that's not enjoyable because it's like you're going for something you really enjoy that's keeping you engaged, that's really reinforcing to something that's like, like you dread doing. And so I think that's part of it. It's just that it's more reinforcing to stay on your screen than to disconnect and step away. I mean, there are things that, so basically what we recommend for, for younger children is if you have to move away from a screen to another activity, move from a screen to a reinforcing activity that doesn't involve a screen. Like maybe playing with your parent or doing something that's more tangible and then transitioning to something that is more of a shift in your in, in your routine. You know, like having a meal, doing some, some chores and that kind of thing.

Adam: I remember a couple of years ago there was this, I thought this was horrifying and then I felt really justified 'cause I found an article that gave me some confirmation bias. I'm gonna run with it and I'm gonna run past you. There was this trend where parents would turn a video game off on the parent, they'd record it and the kid would freak out. And this would be like kids anywhere from like five or six, like up to like kind of early teens. But like the kid would be playing Fortnite and the parent would be like, bonk and turn it off and the kid would flip. And I was like, man, that just seems like that's not really a fair illustration of it being a problem. Right. And then I read an article and it was basically a child psychologist saying that's pulling food out of a kid's mouth - that's the same thing psychologically. Like, you have these endorphins, and you're getting positive reinforcement. So, imagine your kid is eating just anything. Like it's an ice cream cone, it's a piece of candy, it's corn on the cob whatever, something like, and you walk up and you go, ha and then you throw it on the ground, they cannot eat it anymore. You've ruined it. Like why would you expect them to not have a poor reaction.

Sarah: Yeah. And I think for eating, it's easier for some people to see that distinction when it comes to playing video games. For some folks, especially parents who don't game, they may not realize like, if you're in the middle of something and you are achieving mastery in a certain area, or you're feeling really competent, like pulling that away also has another negative experience too. And I think for parents who have gamed or they can see, you know, the progression of one's gaming session, you wouldn't wanna end it when you're in the middle of something. Like you wanna find those transition periods. And what's so challenging now, especially with streaming services is that like, when we were growing up, we'd have a TV show that would end and we'd have to wait a week for the next one. We see the same thing with like binging TV series. Like it doesn't, you keep seeing the next one come up. So it's really hard to, to transition away from that when, when you see like, oh, here's another one. So it's reinforcing. So you're kind of fighting against the technology itself and having parents be mindful of that can help with strategies they use to reduce the excessive screen time. The time limit may not be exactly precise, so you may say 30 minutes of gaming, but like when 29 minutes, 30 seconds comes and it's like you have another minute or two and you will wrap up. Having some flexibility around that is important when it comes to certain things that may not be timed out exactly as you'd like it.

To be able to connect with somebody on an emotional level to cause them to change their behavior to vote a certain way, join an organization, or somehow help my movement. I can't do that. I'll never be able to do that unless I know what matters to you. And so that level of empathy, of listening and listening to understand is at the heart of leadership one of the things I advocate with students or with professional clients is always to enter every space as both a teacher and a learner and to think about how can we create spaces where everybody brings value? When you've got folks that are excelling in leadership roles, what they're doing is they're looking around, they're making asset maps, whether it's a physical document or if that's something they're doing in their head of talent to know who excels at what, where can people thrive? The best leaders are the ones who are concerned with the folks under them, not above them, right? They're taking a look at how can I make the people around me better.

Adam: You hear so much about the negative of screen time and then video games for a long time. I feel like screen time in general is kind of like bumping it out, but it was always like, video games will rot your kids' brains. It just feels a little bit like probably the late eighties when everyone was like cable television is coming around and it's gonna rot your kid's brain because the TV never turns off now, doesn't turn off at midnight, and goes to a signal test. I mean, are we sort of just reacting to something we don't fully understand yet to a certain degree when we talk about like the panic sometimes that is surrounding screen time or surrounding video game playing?

Sarah: I think where there's a distinction, I mean, yes, there's always like concerns about changes in advances in technology. I think one of the distinctions that should be made is really how quickly things are changing more rapidly than they've had before. With that, the social piece too. So it's not just static looking at, you know, content and being concerned about the con. You can engage with it more with virtual reality or augmented reality. Ai, like, there's just so much of an immersion that we wanna consider what this means for development. So I mean, I think there is a distinction there. If the content isn't harmful, right? You know, if the child is getting enough sleep and getting exercise, it's not replacing social interactions with others, we're not as concerned.

And so, it seems if we can take a more balanced approach and less extreme, not only is that more in line with what the science says, but also empowers people more. Because for some folks it's like, well, it's just so overwhelming. It's all bad. I just give up or I'm gonna restrict entirely and it's gonna fail. And it doesn't have to be that way. You can find the middle ground. There are some things for sure that I'm like, definitely know, like, making sure your child is not exposed to online pornography. Make sure you have conversations about what they see online so that they can come to you if they do come across confusing or upsetting content. But, you know, in the grand scheme of things, it's about balance. It's about having these conversations and being in an open door so that you can have these discussions.

I think the strongest evidence we have related to you know, causality relates to the disrupted sleep, so melatonin issues, the light from your phones, that kind of thing. So there's that in terms of physical health, we know that having a screen in the bedroom is linked to poor sleep and risk for cardiovascular concerns in terms of obesity risks and so forth, sedentary behavior. But again, when it comes to the newer research, newer technology, social media, phones, that sort of thing it's more nuanced. And what we're seeing in some of the more recent research is that some mental health concerns may put you at risk for excessive use or you may get turned to content on social media, for example, that, you know, exacerbates risk. And so that's one of the, a big concern is, you know, how do these algorithms work and potentially target those youth who are most vulnerable.

And so, you know, if you have a teen who is struggling with mental health concerns, depressed, you know, they may be online more, they may watch TV more try to escape negative affect. And so it's important to be super sensitive to that link. But again, we can't say cause and effect and we may see that some of these mental health concerns precede excessive screen time as well as, you know, exacerbate symptoms. If the excessive screen time is passively looking at content that makes you feel worse about yourself, you know, that's, that's not a good thing. But if the, you're using a, a lot of your time to connect with others online that build your confidence, that that, you know, that makes you feel part of a community that gives you resources to help cope with whatever you're going through. I mean, that, that's, that's completely different. And so that's why, you know, we really try to steer away from, and I said this a couple of times, excessive screen time too, like more of a problematic use. So use that is interfering with functioning and not so much just based solely on the number of hours 'cause it's too complex. Back in the eighties and nineties, we could say screen time and it usually meant TV viewing and video game playing, but now it's too it's too nuanced.