How do I get the most out of networking events?

Adam: Networking events can be intimidating. How can you stand out while getting the most out of these events? Welcome to The Search Bar. You've got questions. Let's find some answers. I'm your host, Adam Sparkes, and on today's episode, we're searching for answers on networking. Debora Gray, professor of marketing at Central Michigan University, is here to help us do just that. Thank you for coming in to talk to me about networking. I wanted to talk specifically with you today about networking events. So, kind of those big in-person events. They can be really intimidating for a lot of people, or maybe they're not intimidating and we go into them with too much bravado. 

Adam: If I'm an introvert, I can easily listen to some about someone's trip to Tahiti and I might decide that I want to go to Tahiti myself. That's the worst that comes out of that conversation, if I strike it up from that direction. Right? I mean, what do I have to lose?

Deborah: I actually have an acronym that I use in my head to help me with these things. And of course, it's golf related, but it's fore, F.O.R.E.: food, occupation, relationships and entertainment. And also ‘E’ is education. “So, where did you go to school?” “What did you love about your education?” “Did you see a concert this summer?” But food is — I'm a foodie, so I love to talk about food.

Adam: Well, everyone, right?

Deborah: And everyone eats.

Adam: What's your favorite breakfast cereal?

Deborah: Oh…

Adam: Growing up?

Deborah: We weren't fed breakfast cereal growing up.

Adam: What? Your parents are so much more responsible than mine.

Deborah: We made a lot of Cream of Wheat.

Adam: That counts. No, that's breakfast cereal.

Deborah: Is it? Okay. But not like Cheerios or Frosted Flakes.

Adam: You know what? Low-key though, Cream of Wheat…

Deborah: I do love Cream of Wheat.

Adam: Yeah.

Deborah: Cracklin’ Oat Bran!

Adam: Yeah, I like that a lot too. My dad's from a very British family, so the idea of porridge and oatmeal and these types of things is super common. So, Cream of Wheat with like — my grandmother used to put a dollop of peach preserve in the middle of it.

Deborah: Mmm. Grits, corn grits. Oh my gosh. Those are so good.

Adam: Yeah, corn grits are the best.

Deborah: With a lot of butter. But look how far we've gone with just a conversation about food. And, you know, you can introduce this in a humorous way. “Hi, I'm Deborah. Nice to meet you Adam. Okay, I always like to ask random questions when I meet someone for the first time. What's your favorite food? What's your mom's favorite recipe that she would make for you when you grew up?”

Adam: That's a good one. Chicken paprikash all the way. With the dumplings. The little spoon-sized sliding dumplings.

Deborah: And she made 'em by hand, of course.

Adam: Oh, yeah, yeah. You get the little ‘bloop’ into the water off the… oh man.

Deborah: Did she use chicken thighs?

Adam: Everything! We would do a whole chicken when we did it, yeah.

Deborah: Oh, my grandma always used thighs. Yeah. I will get recipes from people that I'm networking with, and that's also a great way to follow up. “Hey, do you…?” So, one of my favorite things to make is pesto, and I grow basil, and I've had so many people just go, “What's your pesto recipe?” It's also a great way to follow up with someone. “You know what? I googled a chicken paprikash recipe and made it last night. My family loved it.”

Adam: Did you really?

Deborah: No, no, but I'm saying that's a great way to follow up with you, Adam. And once you get someone talking about whatever it is, entertainment, recipes, it's real easy to just listen to what they're saying. So, I like to really focus on what they're saying so that I can pick up something to keep the conversation going.

How do you navigate a networking event?

Adam: What do you do when you first get there? Is there a place to stand? Do you know what I mean? Is there a way to be dressed, or to be purporting yourself, so that you seem like you're more amenable to be in a conversation with somebody or to be pulled into a conversation?

Deborah: What I like to do is, I like to just read the room, see who looks available, and dive straight in, not give it a lot of thought. I think sometimes we just let our nerves really take over. If we go in and, “Oh my gosh, who am I going to talk to?” Just let it be very natural. “Oh, I like the look of this group. They look like they're laughing.” And then sort of nudge your way in. “Hey, can I join?” Which brings me to another strategy, which I've kind come into after doing this for a number of years. Have those transitional phrases ready. Keep those in your mind. So, "Hey, can I join in?" "Oh, it was so nice to meet you, but I have a goal to meet some other folks tonight.” “It was really great to talk to you. Can I follow up with email?" And then excuse yourself from that group and move on to the next? I like to try and hit three groups at every networking event, and I use the same transitions over and over again because, if you're winging it, if you don't have your transitions sort of in your head, it just comes off a little bit more clunky, I think.

Adam: Right. And us Midwesterners have a hard time leaving a conversation anyway. 

Deborah: Yes, we do. 

Adam: Because we want to be polite. A lot of us have this [idea that] if I walk away from you, even though the conversation's maybe kind of drawing thin, I'm somehow saying that I'm disinterested in you. But it is okay to go, "Hey, I have to go and try to catch up with so-and-so," or, “Oh, I want to make sure that I catch up with somebody from X place before the event's over,” or whatever. I mean, most people, they might've been looking for a way to leave the conversation too.

Deborah: If it looks like you're not connecting with the person, change of subject. And I give it three tries. If I can't get somewhere, I'm going to excuse myself.

Adam: Yeah. “It was great to meet you."

Deborah: Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there. Or someone's had a bad day for whatever reason. They're there maybe because they have to. Just sort of reading that person. And if you're not getting anywhere, just excuse yourself and move on. And if you are rejected, just think about the people that you've rejected. There are just people that we just don't connect with, we don't have a lot of chemistry with. And I try and put myself in the other person's shoes; they're probably not feeling it either. They're probably going to be glad that I'm moving on. Again, if you have those transitions in your head and you just sort of drop everything else — I just walk without thinking, I'm going to go do this and get into this conversation. And you just got to do it. And if you put too much thought, I think we get ourselves just really ramped up, nervous. So I dive right in. And my thing is, if I can get my goals met for the night, I think it helps me from a networking perspective, but then I reward myself with something. Maybe it's a drink, or I let myself go grab some food. I give myself a little motivation to get the work done.

Adam: Even a bad conversation has value.

Deborah: Absolutely. And like you said, oftentimes we're just so nervous, or so sort of in our own head about the conversation, that we have a perception of something that's really not even happening out there. So, that's a really good example of that. And I find that very comforting. I mean, we've all had those very awkward conversations, and I've had that happen too. And even with students. I've had students in class where I go, “Gosh, I just don't feel like they understood it, or didn't hear me, or didn't connect with them.” And then they'll reach out years later and, oh my gosh, I just did not read that right. But I find that really comforting and reassuring, and I try, in my head space, when I'm out there networking — I mean, I do it. I know how to do it. But I don't love it. I don't love it, but I force myself to do it. And I just remind myself: not everybody loves doing this, and I'm probably talking with someone who's equally uncomfortable.